Stay Tuned

The holidays are pretty much over now so hopefully I'll have more time to post. I have a post in my head, but I want to be able to do it when it's not so late so I can really give it my best so.......please stay tuned, I will be posting it in the next day or two!

Jealousy

I've been told by 3 different people in my family recently that one person in my family seems to be jealous of the time I spend with J's family. It really bothers me because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I do understand it. I came from a big family, youngest of 6 kids. We have always been close. And I know it's not easy to understand if you really don't know about adoption. But I feel like I owe it to J to let him spend as much time with his family as he wants. They missed 43 years together. And I know my family can't understand it because they haven't been through it.

I have read about spouses of adoptees being jealous of the reunion or spouses of a birthparent that didn't want to have any part of it. I actually read on a forum a post by a woman who was very upset that her husband wanted to meet the daughter that he never knew he had. Her children didn't need another sister and they didn't need another person in their family. I don't get that. I say you can never have to many people to love.

Do I ever get jealous of J's relationship with his family? Heck yeah, I sometimes feel left out. But I get over it. He deserves to have that relationship. And he's waited for it for sooooooo long!

The Search

I need to give a little background information on how we got here.

J and I have been married for almost 12 years. He told me on the 1st date that he was adopted. I had never really thought much about adoption until then and even then I really didn't think about it too much. It was probably a couple of years after we got married that he really thought about trying to find them.

He had no information other than his birthday and city and state of birth, but we really weren't even sure if that was right. Long story short, we looked for 7 years with no real hope of ever finding him. As far as we could tell, nobody was looking for him.

After searching for 6 years, we found out he could get non-identifying information from the state, so we sent for it and waited. It took 6 weeks to get it, but we finally did, and for the 1st time there seemed to be some hope that maybe we could find them. And even though it didn't give a lot of info, at least he now knew he had sisters. Three of them. But it would still take another year to find them.

A year later, with a lot of help from a lot of people, we finally found them. And that's when we found out there were 3 more kids after him! So he went from being an only child to having 6 siblings overnight!

So, J decided that I should be the one to call. I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was. But I made it through it.

So, when I finally got her on the phone, i told her who I was and why I was calling. She was very nice and polite, but said she really didn't know what I was talking about. But she did ask me if she could think about it and call me back later. And about 8 hours later, I answered the phone and heard these words...."I think you already know this, but....HE IS OUR SON"

After 7 years, the search was finally over!

I Never Imagined

I never imagined that my life would be like this. If someone would have told me 10 years ago, or even 5 that I would actually want to talk to people and share the story, I would've said they were crazy. I was one of the shyest people on earth. I was scared to death to talk to people.
But that was before:

Before I called a woman 600 miles away and told her I was married to the son she gave up 43 years earlier:

Before I heard J's brothers voice before he did:

Before J went from being an only child to 1 of 7:

Before we flew 600 miles away to finally meet the parents that gave him life and meet the siblings that never knew about him:

So this is now.....would I share his story? Yeah, fill an auditorium.......I'm ready. It has been one of the most life changing experiences ever. It's had it's ups and downs, but it has been well worth what we went through to get here.

About Me and Why I'm Here

I am the wife of an adoptee that has been in reunion for almost 3 years. We searched for his family for 7 years before finally finding them. The reunion has been great at times, not good and times, but definately no regrets. Through the search and the reunion, I have found that there are all kinds of support out there. But I really haven't been able to find many places for spouses of adoptees. I wanted to put up this blog to give spouses a place to go and share their feelings too.

Adoption touches so many people in so many different ways, and this is just my little corner of the world where I will have a place to share my feelings, and maybe find a few people that can relate to what I feel.

I'm also here to offer any support I can to spouses of adoptees going into reunion, because trust me, it will affect your life too!

So feel free to comment, let me know where you fit in the picture?