I've been told by 3 different people in my family recently that one person in my family seems to be jealous of the time I spend with J's family. It really bothers me because I don't want to hurt anyone. But I do understand it. I came from a big family, youngest of 6 kids. We have always been close. And I know it's not easy to understand if you really don't know about adoption. But I feel like I owe it to J to let him spend as much time with his family as he wants. They missed 43 years together. And I know my family can't understand it because they haven't been through it.
I have read about spouses of adoptees being jealous of the reunion or spouses of a birthparent that didn't want to have any part of it. I actually read on a forum a post by a woman who was very upset that her husband wanted to meet the daughter that he never knew he had. Her children didn't need another sister and they didn't need another person in their family. I don't get that. I say you can never have to many people to love.
Do I ever get jealous of J's relationship with his family? Heck yeah, I sometimes feel left out. But I get over it. He deserves to have that relationship. And he's waited for it for sooooooo long!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The Search
I need to give a little background information on how we got here.
J and I have been married for almost 12 years. He told me on the 1st date that he was adopted. I had never really thought much about adoption until then and even then I really didn't think about it too much. It was probably a couple of years after we got married that he really thought about trying to find them.
He had no information other than his birthday and city and state of birth, but we really weren't even sure if that was right. Long story short, we looked for 7 years with no real hope of ever finding him. As far as we could tell, nobody was looking for him.
After searching for 6 years, we found out he could get non-identifying information from the state, so we sent for it and waited. It took 6 weeks to get it, but we finally did, and for the 1st time there seemed to be some hope that maybe we could find them. And even though it didn't give a lot of info, at least he now knew he had sisters. Three of them. But it would still take another year to find them.
A year later, with a lot of help from a lot of people, we finally found them. And that's when we found out there were 3 more kids after him! So he went from being an only child to having 6 siblings overnight!
So, J decided that I should be the one to call. I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was. But I made it through it.
So, when I finally got her on the phone, i told her who I was and why I was calling. She was very nice and polite, but said she really didn't know what I was talking about. But she did ask me if she could think about it and call me back later. And about 8 hours later, I answered the phone and heard these words...."I think you already know this, but....HE IS OUR SON"
After 7 years, the search was finally over!
J and I have been married for almost 12 years. He told me on the 1st date that he was adopted. I had never really thought much about adoption until then and even then I really didn't think about it too much. It was probably a couple of years after we got married that he really thought about trying to find them.
He had no information other than his birthday and city and state of birth, but we really weren't even sure if that was right. Long story short, we looked for 7 years with no real hope of ever finding him. As far as we could tell, nobody was looking for him.
After searching for 6 years, we found out he could get non-identifying information from the state, so we sent for it and waited. It took 6 weeks to get it, but we finally did, and for the 1st time there seemed to be some hope that maybe we could find them. And even though it didn't give a lot of info, at least he now knew he had sisters. Three of them. But it would still take another year to find them.
A year later, with a lot of help from a lot of people, we finally found them. And that's when we found out there were 3 more kids after him! So he went from being an only child to having 6 siblings overnight!
So, J decided that I should be the one to call. I can't even begin to tell you how nervous I was. But I made it through it.
So, when I finally got her on the phone, i told her who I was and why I was calling. She was very nice and polite, but said she really didn't know what I was talking about. But she did ask me if she could think about it and call me back later. And about 8 hours later, I answered the phone and heard these words...."I think you already know this, but....HE IS OUR SON"
After 7 years, the search was finally over!
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