Relationships

This post is really hard for me to write, but I'm gonna try to do it anyway. But before I go any further, let me just say that I am not trying to say all adoptees are this way, I'm not grouping them all together....just gonna talk about some of the issues I deal with living with an adoptee.

Many years ago, I realized that J has never had a good relationship with any woman. He doesn't have a relationship with his adoptive mother or his adult daughter from his 1st marriage. And to be quite honest, our relationship is not that great. I have pointed out to him that he has a problem with women, and he feels bad about it when we talk about it, but yet he doesn't do anything about it. Don't get me wrong, he is not mean to me, he's just not emotionally there.

He has pretty much cut off all communication with his sister that at 1st he was very close with because she once gave him a suggestion on something he should do. In his eyes, she was trying to control him so he just shut her out. If I ask him to do something or make a suggestion, I'm trying to control him. See a pattern here?

I have realized that I am the closest person to him, so I get pushed away more than anyone. I actually see him go out of his way to please people that really don't show much interest in being a part of his life. I guess maybe that's because they are safe. There's no danger of them getting to close.

Do I believe these issues are directly related to his adoption? YES....I believe there's no way he's going to let anybody ever get close enough to him to hurt him. He had no control over his life from day one, and he's not about to let that happen again. And even though I can understand why he would feel this way, that doesn't make it hurt any less.

Like I said, I am not grouping all adoptees together. I know that not all of them have these issues, but I know some do.

So, spouses of adoptees, are there any of you that have to deal with these issues? And if so, how do you deal with it?